


Gone

by MorganaNK



Category: Inspector Lynley - All Media Types, Inspector Lynley Mysteries (TV)
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 10:29:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8202109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MorganaNK/pseuds/MorganaNK
Summary: Future fic - major character death





	

**Author's Note:**

> Property of Elizabeth George and the BBC, no copyright infringement intended

I closed the door behind me, rested my back against the wood and finally allowed the tears that I had been fighting to fall. 

I had not expected to find myself here; in fact, my day had begun on a far more positive note. Funny how things could change so much in less than twenty-four hours. In the blink of an eye your world can implode and leave you with nothing but grief and devastation.

I slid down the door and onto the floor, my head in my hands, heart breaking sobs making it hard for me to breathe. I closed my eyes and then the memories came; the memories of the moment my whole world crumbled.

_We had had to appear in court, and when we had broken for lunch Barbara and I had headed to a local pub. A good meal, a few soft drinks – well we were on duty, plus some good conversation and we were both ready to face whatever the afternoon session would bring._

_As we walked back to the courthouse Barbara was teasing me. As we laughed together I was struck by just how beautiful she was, not that this was news to me, I had actually been in love with her for years, I just couldn’t find the courage to tell her. I was just about to invite her round for dinner that evening when a man bumped into her. He muttered sorry and then carried on walking. I glanced over my shoulder at him while expecting Barbara to say something scathing, and was surprised when she didn’t. I looked back at her and found that she was staring at her hand in macabre fascination; it was covered in blood. She began to stumble, and I caught her in my arms and lowered her to the ground._

_“Barbara!”_

_I noticed a bloom of red spreading across the left side of her suit jacket. I pressed the heel of my hand down hard against it while fumbling for my mobile with the other hand._

_“I need an ambulance; my partner has been stabbed!”_

_I gave our location and then turned my attention back to Barbara. She was drifting in and out of consciousness, her skin pale and clammy._

_“Stay with me Barbara, don’t you dare leave me.”_

_When the ambulance turned up the paramedics took over Barbara’s care. I stood back feeling helpless, but that helpless feeling turned to horror when they started to cut away her clothes and perform CPR. I crumpled to my knees as they repeatedly shocked her with the defibrillator, not quite able to believe what was happening._

_One of the paramedics approached me._

_“I’m so sorry…”_

_“Don’t!”_

_I put my hands over my ears; I knew what he was going to say and I didn’t want to hear it; hearing it would make it real. This was like Helen all over again; only much, much worse._

_“I’m sorry, but there’s nothing more we can do for your partner.”_

_~*~_

_I hated the fact that Barbara was having to lie on the floor, she deserved better than that, but I also understood about preservation of evidence. I loathed the fact that my vibrant, funny, caustic partner was gone, and all that was left was evidence; it made me sick to the stomach._

_One of the paramedics had covered Barbara with a blanket, a gesture that I was both grateful for, but also disgusted by. Just half an hour ago we had been chatting, now I would never hear her voice again._

_I was sat on the ground next to her, cradling her head in my lap, and wishing that somehow I could turn back time and escape the nightmare I was trapped in. But I knew I couldn’t change things, however much I wanted to, and instead I was sat cradling the ever-cooling body of the one woman who had made my life worth living, and I had never had the chance to tell her just how much she meant to me._

_“Tommy?”_

_I looked up and saw Hillier, Lafferty and Winston._

_“Barbara’s gone.”_

_Hillier crouched down in front of me. “I know Tommy, and I’m so sorry.”_

_“I couldn’t do anything, it happened so quickly. One moment she was here and the next she wasn’t.” While I spoke to Hillier I was stroking Barbara’s hair, I wasn’t even aware that I was doing it. Her head was still cradled in my lap, her eyes closed. She looked calm, almost peaceful. She could have been sleeping if not for the stab wound in her chest._

_“I understand Tommy, but you need to leave Barbara with Stuart now so that she can help us find the person who did this.”_

_Winston stood beside me, his hand on my shoulder._

_“Come on Sir.”_

_Stroking Barbara’s hair once more, I pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead and then stood and let Winston lead me away._

_~*~_

_I was sitting at my desk, a cup of something that passed as coffee in my hand, staring blankly into the distance. I was willing myself to wake up and find that all of this was just a horrendous nightmare. I tried not to think about Barbara; where she was now and what was happening to her, it was better that way._

_Winston was hovering outside my office, but I didn’t want to talk. I understood that he was Barbara’s friend, and that he would want to know what had happened, but I still wasn’t ready for that; I didn’t know if I ever would be._

_I needed to get out of the office. I wanted to be on my own, away from all the well-meaning platitudes and kindness. No one understood how I felt, and I didn’t want to explain it to anyone. Waiting until Winston stopped his nervous loitering, I stood, stretched, and then walked briskly out of the office and down to my car._

My back was hurting and my bum was numb. I dragged myself to my feet and stumbled into my lounge. I poured myself a generous whiskey and then crumpled into my armchair, tears still streaming down my face.

I knew that the job that Barbara and I did was dangerous, her shooting and then Helen’s was more than enough evidence of that. To die in the line of duty would have been bad enough, but to go like this; it felt dirty and wrong and cheap, and I hated it.

The memories had exhausted me, but they had also reinforced how much I loved Barbara, and how much she meant to me. I didn’t know how I was going to carry on without her, and I wasn’t sure that I wanted to. Wherever Barbara was, that was where I wanted to be.

**Epilogue**

The mood at Howenstow was subdued to say the least. Lady Asherton had made sure that Tommy’s last wishes had been honoured, and he and Barbara had been buried next to each other in Nanrunnel’s cemetery. Tommy’s body had been found in his car less than twenty-four hours after Barbara had been killed, along with a letter explaining why he couldn’t carry on without her:

_‘To My Family and Friends_

_I apologise to whomever finds me, and to you all. I know that my actions may appear selfish, but I hope that this letter will explain that there was no other way that this could go._

_I know that this is a stupid thing to say, but I don’t want you to grieve for me. I have to be with Barbara, that’s all there is to it. She has been the centre of my life for so long; to go on without her is incomprehensible to me. I love her, and if I am honest I have done for years. Where she ended I began and vice versa; without her there is no reason for me to continue._

_I want to be laid to rest with her in the Asherton section of Nanrunnel cemetery, and I hope that my wishes will be respected._

_No one should feel guilty; there is nothing anyone could have done to change my mind. Know that Barbara and I are together, and we are finally at peace._

_Tommy’_


End file.
